CrazyMeadowBella
by crzzytn
Summary: A.K.A. live-in-the-meadow-for-twenty-six-years-like-an-insane-lunatic-Bella. One-shot, Nothing but Trouble outtake, or pretake? Enjoy!


**_Hello, love._**

**I do not own twilight. I did however, write a fanfiction that I personally love. Nothing but Trouble ... it is very much a part of this one-shot. **

**Or outtake?**

**Prequal? **

**Something to that effect. Anyways,**

**Twilight = not mine**

**Nothing but Trouble = MINE! **

**live-in-the-meadow-for-twenty-six-years-like-an-insane-lunatic-Bella = all me**

**crazy-meadow-Bella = is basically the short version of the previous, so once again, mine. **

* * *

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

_No, I don't like that answer, _I thought as I chunked the stem and picked up a new flower. I had been doing this for… a while. I honestly couldn't tell you how long unless you gave me today's date or even a newspaper. Something, anything. It has most definitely been too long. Is he not coming? No – he would come. Even if he didn't, Alice would. Alice still loves me… I think. There isn't really anyone else to love me anymore – so I certainly hope she does.

This is why I was playing the ridiculous flower game. Neither answer was good enough. At this point, 'he loves me not,' is not an acceptable answer. Not after everything I've been through. Of course, 'he loves me,' doesn't make much sense either since he hasn't came for me. _Maybe he's never coming…_

Ridiculous. He's going to come. They would realize what happened; they're smart enough for that. At least one of them would come to help me in some way. Even if I couldn't go with them, they would know someone who could help me. Even if he didn't want me, my family still loves me.

Family. How do I still consider them my family? Family doesn't leave… Maybe they left to keep me safe? That sounds like a totally Edward thing to do. The thought made me almost laugh… that would have been refreshing, enjoyable, and almost new. I doubt even Edward is that idiotic. Not to mention the psychic sister… No, he would have known I was never any safer.

I remember why they're still my family – because I have no other. Charlie is dead. Jake is dead. I can't go anywhere near Renee and Phil, or even stupid fucking Florida for that matter. Damn that place with all of its irritating sunshine, its pasty white sand, its mind numbingly blue water. Stupid Florida. I can't even drink the orange juice! Useless state.

I hate Florida? Since when? I thought I missed all of that?

That's right… he took all of my sunshine, all of my oceans, all of my sand-angels away from me. It was okay at the time – he replaced them all with brighter lights, deeper waters, and breathing angels.

But when he took all that away from me too, he forgot to put the old stuff back – leaving me an empty darkness, where color is unwelcome and calmness is intolerable.

The angel turned out to be a monster, after all.

Still, I miss my monster – I want him back even if he's a jerk.

No, he's not a jerk. They just haven't found you yet. They'll come.

I wasn't so sure anymore. I had been here for so long; I had seen hundreds of sunsets and sunrises. Months… maybe even a year… who knows? The newspaper that's who. The meadow…he would know to look here.

After finding out that he loves me two hundred and twenty one times, and that he doesn't love me two hundred and twenty times, I dropped the stems.

I picked a few new buds and laid back, watching the sunset, or rise – whichever, continuing my numb chants, and singing my own lullaby – the one I wrote for me, to sooth myself.

_You crushed me.  
Then you caught me.  
Held me tight.  
You fought for me._

_Then you walked away.  
Left me lying here.  
Broken with pain.  
Trembling with tears.  
I looked at you.  
I swore forever.  
You looked in my eyes.  
You swore never._

_I gave you my heart.  
For all eternity.  
You broke my soul.  
Wasn't an option for me._

_Yet here I am.  
Crimson and stolen.  
Burning with you.  
Yet I'm all alone._

_Because you walked away.  
Left me lying here.  
Broken with pain.  
Trembling with tears.  
I looked at you.  
I swore forever.  
You looked in my eyes.  
You swore never._

_I'm waiting.  
Come back to me.  
One more night.  
One more memory._

_I can't dream a dream.  
I can't shed a tear.  
Everything means nothing.  
Without you here._

_I love you.  
I love you forever.  
I want to hate you.  
I know I will never._

_You crushed me.  
Then you caught me.  
You walked away.  
Now I've lost me._

And repeat. This was how I spent my nights, my days, and my every moment. Singing, chanting, sobbing, this is me. I hate it.

Is this truly how I'll spend my eternity? Alone, losing my mind, in a meadow?

_No, he's coming. Someone will come… they still love you, even if he doesn't._

"Truly, you are like the not-so-human-magnificent-lawnmower! How often do you shred innocent plant life?"

A voice?

Not a Cullen voice, it doesn't matter.

"Daily. Continuously. Why? This is my meadow; I'll do what I want. Please leave."

I don't need friends, I don't want friends, I want my family.

"No can do, sister, I've spent too long looking for you."

Sister?

"You aren't my sister," I replied in a voice just as numb as the rest of me, "I have two sisters… they're coming for me."

"Oh, well how long have you been waiting? I could keep you company for a bit… destroy some nature."

"No thanks. I don't know how long… I don't keep up with time. Since I was changed, anyways. Not that I, or you, for that matter actually know when that was."

"SINCE YOU WERE CHANGED? THAT WAS TWENTY SIX YEARS AGO!"

"Impossible…It hasn't been that long. Besides, you wouldn't know when it was – I killed the only one who could've known. Except my sister, Alice, she would know. I miss her… She's coming for me, you know? Her brother… my… well, whatever he is … he might come too… I can't be for sure on that one… hence, the massacred gardens."

"Right. I know when you 'died' and I know that's the same time you changed. Because the same thing that happened to Charlie, happened to Mom… my best friend's ex-boyfriend, actually. I recognized the signs… I came looking for you. I have been for a while… I stopped by Charlie's and I found this picture… decided to come looking for this meadow…Regardless, I do know when you changed and it WAS twenty six years ago. Far too long to be out here terrorizing flowers or singing to the trees."

My head snapped up then. I had to find out more about this 'Mom' and this picture….

That was the first time I actually saw who I was speaking to. She looked so…. Familiar?

"Bella?" I asked. Wait, I'm Bella, I think. I'm pretty sure.

Am I Bella?

"No, I am not Bella, you are. I am Nicolette Isabella Dwyer. Your sister, like I said." She sounded almost reprimanding with that smug smirk playing on her face.

Oh. Well, this is interesting.

So we talked about it and for the first time in years (apparently) - I opened up. I shared my hurt, my pain, my solitude. She did the same with me. We could have sat there sobbing and clawing at the ground in our frustration for hours, days, months, and I wouldn't have known a second of time that had passed.

Because for now, time stood still.

Now, I had my sister.

Now, I had a reason again.

And for the first time in twenty six years, I left my meadow – leaving only destroyed flowers and a single etching on my tree.

_Forever, Eternity, Broken, Burning.  
You never wanted this for me  
It came anyways.  
It's done now.  
I'm here.  
Always for you, love.  
Always for us._

_-Italy. _

* * *

**_All that making fun of Emo Edsty... uh huh. _**


End file.
